Life | The Next Step

The biggest challenge of life is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else. 

I'm sitting in my bed right now currently wrapped up in a duvet with some music on Spotify damaging my ear drums.

Gloomy. That is how I feel after my return from one of the most eccentric countries I have ever been to. Only 3 days into the trip to the South of France and I already felt like I lived there. Like I was French. My best friend Kamilė agrees. Not once did we feel out of place or like we didn't belong. Cliche to say that France has the irresistible je ne sais quoi that will always leave you wanting more. So much so that I am already planning to move there once I finish my Commerce degree. 

About that. I am still trying to make the decision of whether I will finish it this year or the next. My heart isn't in it anymore and that obviously sways the scales but the truth is I'd like to think I'm the type of person who finishes what I started. Until last week, when I realised what was so flawed in that ideology. There is an assumption made that everything we start must be good for us, everything we do will serve us indefinitely. The holes in that statement is infinite. Change is one of the most sacred commitments in the world. If you are unwilling to change with your circumstances, the world will move on without you. No questions asked. That should scare you. I know it scares me. 

I can finish this degree to prove a point to the world; that I can commit to a degree and a budding career simultaneously, or more superficially- that I am  (and I use this word very loosely) 'educated'. There seems to be a problem with always trying to prove ourselves to the world- to our friends, our family members, acquaintances and even strangers. 

Why not prove yourself to yourself Ayisha? I try to remind myself. Why must we live the life that has been pre planned for us by government officials, parents and society when we were born with the ability to create paths that are more daring, rewarding and better yet fulfilling? 

Why not focus on the things that really matter to me like creating a storm in the online world, adding value to people's lives by helping them to get to where they want to be, by condemning the eating of meat and embracing the culture of eating well and living well in the hopes that others might do the same? 

I want to be known for being a generous soul through wealth, passion and most importantly love. I want to embody the art of loyalty and maintain integrity. I want to be the type of person that is as beautiful on the inside as the outside. 

Finishing the degree isn't the issue for me as you can see. One year won't kill me and I know I can do it. The puzzle I'm trying to solve in my head is why.