Kolor is the new Black

Renaissance

Mood | Recognition

She got off the plane in her usual airport attire of black jeans and a biker jacket. Hair tied up loosely, she covered her eyes with a dark pair of this season's Prada glasses. A getaway. Exactly what she needed; a place where people were unaware of who she was and what she did for a living. It was as refreshing as the light South African breeze whooshing past her. 

There was only one thing on her mind at this moment in time; a book as good as the cup of coffee she was about to buy. 

Stepping into a local bookstore on a daily basis wasn't anything unusual for Sara, but seeing her book on the shelf? That was something new entirely. She rushed over confidently to relive the moment when she first saw them in stores. The adrenaline whizzed through her body, her eyes alert, her emotions burning from inside out- pride, joy, a sense of achievement-

'A memoir about breaking the fashion industry, sounds like a tough life'. Sara looked up. A 5ft 8 22 year old male was standing two inches away from her, analysing the cover of the book as if the story was in the detailing of the gold font or matte cover. 

'How can anyone from the fashion industry know anything about anything? The chapters on living in a societal prison world, animal cruelty, and defying the unwritten rules of the industry must be so generic. Who would have thought huh.' She said quietly, as she flicked through the pages of the book only to look at him at the end of her sentence. 

A smirk and then a laugh and then something along the words of 'you can't be serious' yet there he was grabbing a copy of the book to make an impulsive purchase, intrigued by the content described and most of all, the alluring girl behind it. 

Travel | A Summer in Monte Carlo

The city that launched a thousand ships.

Ferraris. Porsches. Bugatti's. Fast cars in a fast paced life. There is no stopping or holding back. Navy, black, plaid. A sharp look. €3000 suits that look like they have been melted onto the body that owns them. The trend of collecting yachts, villas and sparkly items. A city that embraces a life of opulence, a sense of style and beautiful scenery. Only the best of the best of course, the expectation of anything less seems excruciating.

Most intriguing of all is the culture that is so obviously present. Policemen dressed in crisp white shirts and navy pants, a cap to go with. The statue like guards who survey the area. The airy fairy feeling of knowing you are amongst royalty, blue blood or not. It would be a lie to deny the obvious splendour of Monte Carlo.

The views however are really what you would starve for, kill for, die for. Standing atop of a high building after climbing at least 500 stops was the perfect image of solidarity. I watched the clouds lift to reveal the blue sky that reflected into the water down below. In awe of the gentle wind whispering at my skin only to whip my coat off in the process. The yachts aligned in the water like soldiers. The buildings standing strong like anchors. It is a view that you would pay a thousand euros for, and not regret it.

Life | The Next Step

The biggest challenge of life is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else. 

I'm sitting in my bed right now currently wrapped up in a duvet with some music on Spotify damaging my ear drums.

Gloomy. That is how I feel after my return from one of the most eccentric countries I have ever been to. Only 3 days into the trip to the South of France and I already felt like I lived there. Like I was French. My best friend Kamilė agrees. Not once did we feel out of place or like we didn't belong. Cliche to say that France has the irresistible je ne sais quoi that will always leave you wanting more. So much so that I am already planning to move there once I finish my Commerce degree. 

About that. I am still trying to make the decision of whether I will finish it this year or the next. My heart isn't in it anymore and that obviously sways the scales but the truth is I'd like to think I'm the type of person who finishes what I started. Until last week, when I realised what was so flawed in that ideology. There is an assumption made that everything we start must be good for us, everything we do will serve us indefinitely. The holes in that statement is infinite. Change is one of the most sacred commitments in the world. If you are unwilling to change with your circumstances, the world will move on without you. No questions asked. That should scare you. I know it scares me. 

I can finish this degree to prove a point to the world; that I can commit to a degree and a budding career simultaneously, or more superficially- that I am  (and I use this word very loosely) 'educated'. There seems to be a problem with always trying to prove ourselves to the world- to our friends, our family members, acquaintances and even strangers. 

Why not prove yourself to yourself Ayisha? I try to remind myself. Why must we live the life that has been pre planned for us by government officials, parents and society when we were born with the ability to create paths that are more daring, rewarding and better yet fulfilling? 

Why not focus on the things that really matter to me like creating a storm in the online world, adding value to people's lives by helping them to get to where they want to be, by condemning the eating of meat and embracing the culture of eating well and living well in the hopes that others might do the same? 

I want to be known for being a generous soul through wealth, passion and most importantly love. I want to embody the art of loyalty and maintain integrity. I want to be the type of person that is as beautiful on the inside as the outside. 

Finishing the degree isn't the issue for me as you can see. One year won't kill me and I know I can do it. The puzzle I'm trying to solve in my head is why.

Living Like Blair Waldorf #7

I wish I could write purely for you. I wish I could lay my emotions for you on paper for you to rip apart and dissect until there is nothing left of it. I haven't found a way to depict an accurate image of what burns inside of me, what soaks my skin, what calms it and what unravels it.

Air. You can feel it cursing through your veins, your arteries and your heart as you race up a hill that seems endless. It is your oxygen and It is your toxin. Your addiction and your solution to survival. 

Fire. It is the path you walk through. When you are sprinting and you feel like your heart wants to drop out of your chest, the pangs of dry dust settling into your throat. An endless desert with no direction and unmistakably, no footpath. 

Water. The feeling of satisfaction that leads you out of the misery of temptation to quit. The quench you need to be a little stronger, a little more efficient and thus to fight a little harder. Counting the stomps of your feet hitting the ground and willing yourself to push further. Just this last time until you build the will power to lie to yourself once more. 'This is the last one'. Fully aware of the hurdles you have yet to jump and the pain you must endure to finish the journey. 

Earth. Damp but comforting. Luke warm but refreshing like the wind on a mild summer's day. A blanket that protects you from birth until death. A shield that gives you a reason to carry on. For if there is no ticking clock, there would be nothing but unsatisfying emptiness present in the world. A feeling of incompletion. A torturous dream of immortality. So we move. We crawl, we walk, we jog and then we sprint in the tiny hopes that we will reap the rewards at the finish line. Unaware that the rewards lay hidden in the journey. In the sweat that pours from your soul, the willingness to love fiercely and the power to fight ferociously. 

When the world thinks you're crazy but the elements understand you. 

Living Like Blair Waldorf #6

A fire in her soul.

I was going to save writing this post for when I get back to Ireland but I felt it was appropriate to start it now. I would not be surprised if you assumed I've been kidnapped considering how long I've been gone. Truth people told, I was kidnapped, kidnapped by hard work and undying passion.

I've reached the point of desperation and there is no feeling that compares to it. In laymen's term it's called rock bottom, desperate for something to work so bad that I gave up everything for it. That is how I would describe my time here in Vancouver.

Can I honestly say with an open heart that I enjoyed every second of it? No. 

Naked. How I felt when I moved here. Everything that made me, me had been taken away. Family, friends, partying, shopping, styling outfits, and of course my wonderful wardrobe of clothes. I crave busy cities, crazy nightlife scenarios and experimental photoshoots. I was forced to recreate myself in a city that repelled every characteristic of my being, as shallow as some of them were. Wallowing trees, silencing waterfalls and reckless sunsets. An assortment of turtle neck sweaters and jeans being worn over and over again. My hair a mess from countless busy nights of carving my path to success.  Do I feel like I've won? Yes and no. 

There's a lot about the journey of chasing dreams that people casually forget to mention. To achieve the dream, you have to give up almost everything. At least at the beginning. It started with one decline to a house party, then a trip to the city and a trip outside of the nest I lived in to visit the most scenic places in the world. I missed it all. Instead, I spent hours researching, planning and organising what is supposed to be the year that will change my life completely. I spent a lot of my time in the gym because of my obsession with controlling everything that is controllable in my life. I can safely say my decisions have become more calculated and deliberate now more than ever. 

I've built this armour around me that no possible distraction could take me away from what I am trying to achieve. Aha a noticeable pattern of being married to your work. Such an enticing, thrilling yet risky relationship to be in. I guess when you start feeling like no one else understands what you're trying to do, that is when you're truly on to something but I won't sit here and lie to you, it's a lonely experience.

So I finally get it. Why most people don't chase their dreams until they are much older, why some prefer to avoid the road of entrepreneurship because of its long, rushed hours and the loneliness that is very much present in abundance. But when you find your calling in this world, I have a strong belief that you need to pick up that phone and greet the bittersweet voice of destiny on the other end, as gracefully and as receptive as you possibly can.

When you stare into the darkness on a cold Winter's night what do you see? The Northern star? The brightness of the moon glaring back at you? Know that the universe is much bigger than you and right now, It is asking you to use your passion to build something great, something bigger than you.