Sunday, 13 September 2015

Empress In the Wild

Photo credit: Kamile Kvaukaite

Scared, frightened, unsheltered. Her innocent eyes lie on the floor not knowing where to go or what to do. Her furless palms soft like the bottom of a newborn baby. Ears perked up but dead silence envelopes the air. Open mouthed but no sound comes out. Crawling hesitantly through the heated jungle under the blazing sun, hoping for rain to quench her thirst but the long lasting drought refuses to surrender to the clouds. 

Several months of carefully avoiding the territories of prides of lions, knowing that they could easily and would easily kill. Until one day the cub is forced to defend herself. A game of the survival of the fittest. Adapt... or simply die. Thrown around like a lightweight of paper, disintegrated by other cubs who are not afraid. But in the process, she learns to fight.  To prowl. To prance with fierce, dark eyes. Her palms are no longer soft but coarse.  Powerful, strong and ferocious. 

She doesn't pay attention to other prides but if forced to fight, she will do what is needed. Kill or be killed: that is the nature of the game. No longer a cub but a lion, whose roar could shatter the silence that once was so feared.

Coming to New York has made me aware that my transitioning has finally begun. I watch my old self from a reasonable distance.  My resemblance to a cub is undoubtedly present. You guessed it, little knowledge and a lot of naivety. Until 2015 came around and my turn to be tossed and thrown around by destiny finally arrived. It would be foolish to see the negative events that take place in my life as something to be saddened about. It is my only source of learning and a very good one at that. Now I realise that I absorb information and life circumstances much more quickly. My attention to detail now razor sharp because I spend a lot of time  observing others and their reactions to situations. I take note and I learn from them. I am no longer the nervous girl who is afraid of her future. The fear of failure that used to burn so viciously inside me has since extinguished itself. Instead I remain calm, embracing every event with an attentive heart. 


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