Sunday, 22 February 2015

Living like Blair Waldorf #4

Nothing is holding me back anymore, I know what I want and I'm going to get it.
It was a dark, cloudy Sunday morning when I came to that realisation. With my eyes half opened and my bones aching, I put my hand on my forehead as I peaked out of my window. Feeling completely isolated from the outside world, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I didn't know what I was doing anymore or where I was going. Empty tears fell from my eyes and the worst part was that I could not justify them. So I did the one thing I haven't done a lot since I got here. I skyped my Mum.
I'm not sure if it was the phone call that changed my mindset or if I had just grown up in the space of a few minutes but when I ended the Skype call, I knew that the only thing that was holding me back from everything I wanted was myself. 
You see, I am too impatient. I have potential but my actions don't back it up. I complain about things that I have never bothered to fix myself and understandably my body, mind and soul have finally had enough of my crap. 

So I started making little changes in my life that will eventually get me to where I want to be. If there is one thing I've been missing out on, It is the correct mindset to getting things done. So now I keep several notebooks to keep track of myself. My shelves are plastered with post its recording my immediate thoughts. I sleep with a notebook on my bed, just for when my mind decides to surprise me with interesting ideas. 

I stopped eating dairy and meat, mostly for health reasons and partly for the environment and society we live in. I have decided that I want to live by my own morals and ethics. I started eating Spinach,  Kale and lots of other vegetables in order to defeat my iron deficiency and improve my skin. I try to go to the gym at least 3 times a week but now I am ready to push myself to 5 times a week, for 20 minutes at a time just to keep my heart pumping.

To inspire and motivate myself, I went shopping with my friend Natsuno and it was simply so much fun. I think I may have overdid it in Victoria's Secret oops  but nothing beats shopping when you're feeling gloomy. I was lucky enough to find the most beautiful pieces in Zara, H&M and F21. My favourite being, a cobalt blue satchel. When I saw it, a thought immediately sprung to mind- Diamants au chocolat
From that moment, I knew it would always have my heart as a signature bag. 

I visited the beach on campus a couple of times to watch the most serene sunsets.  Last night, I even got the opportunity to witness the switch of the two planets, venus and mars from my bedroom window. As the moon gleamed and the darkness of the sky descended, I felt my little irrelevant problems float away. 

Kristina Bazan of Kayture favourited one of my tweets on Twitter the other day and I thought I was going to die. Some people dream of extravagant holidays and expensive gifts, I dream of being recognised by the people I admire most.

So the ball really is in my court and I had no idea all along. I had no idea that achieving the things I want the most lie in my hands. Life isn't about feeling sorry for yourself, life is about seeing something you want, planning the route as you would any other journey, and taking the first turn without a map to guide you along. 

No matter how scared you are, there is nothing you want that is out of your reach.



  1. I completely agree with your las words "No matter how scared you are, there is nothing you want that is out of your reach"... so true

  2. Thanks for sharing.

    Eye See Euphoria |

  3. Great post! Join my giveaway:

  4. Beautiful pics! Love your attitude!

    xx /

  5. Great post! I love your snakeskin heels, wow! Oh, and how amazing that Kristina Bazan favourited your tweet!

    XO Imke

  6. Great post! I love your snakeskin heels, wow! Oh, and how amazing that Kristina Bazan favourited your tweet!

    XO Imke

  7. You are an amazing writer and you are so inspiring. I know that empty feeling of wanting to accomplish things and not knowing how to get to where you want to be in life. I believe in you and I know you'll accomplish everything you've ever wanted!

    - Liz

  8. You are an amazing writer!! Such a great post xx