Travel | I AM STERDAM

The views will invade your thoughts and the little small windows will always keep you curious about the secrets of a delusional city. 
It is just like the movies. Even the words I use to describe this alluring location isn't enough. My heart races from the simple memories I recall. Not in any lifetime would you imagine to be surrounded by the most beautiful people and the most striking architecture. Not in this lifetime would you expect to drift asleep on a boat ride through the majestic canals of the city that liberates all. Not in this century would you expect to feel like nothing else matters but the feeling of absolute content.
As the rain fell down to rejoin the sea, as I listened to the swish of the water and the calming sounds emerging from our boat, I finally understood the concept of peace. Everything works in harmony and whether it is day or night, the atmosphere is always awake and alert, even if you are not. That is the beauty of Amsterdam.

I recommend you stay in Hotel Van Gogh for the most engaging experience.

**An excerpt from my travels to Amsterdam, Summer 2014. 

Living like Blair Waldorf #4

Nothing is holding me back anymore, I know what I want and I'm going to get it.

It was a dark, cloudy Sunday morning when I came to that realisation. With my eyes half opened and my bones aching, I put my hand on my forehead as I peaked out of my window. Feeling completely isolated from the outside world, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I didn't know what I was doing anymore or where I was going. Empty tears fell from my eyes and the worst part was that I could not justify them. So I did the one thing I haven't done a lot since I got here. I skyped my Mum.

I'm not sure if it was the phone call that changed my mindset or if I had just grown up in the space of a few minutes but when I ended the Skype call, I knew that the only thing that was holding me back from everything I wanted was myself. 

You see, I am too impatient. I have potential but my actions don't back it up. I complain about things that I have never bothered to fix myself and understandably my body, mind and soul have finally had enough of my crap. 

So I started making little changes in my life that will eventually get me to where I want to be. If there is one thing I've been missing out on, It is the correct mindset to getting things done. So now I keep several notebooks to keep track of myself. My shelves are plastered with post its recording my immediate thoughts. I sleep with a notebook on my bed, just for when my mind decides to surprise me with interesting ideas. 

I stopped eating dairy and meat, mostly for health reasons and partly for the environment and society we live in. I have decided that I want to live by my own morals and ethics. I started eating Spinach,  Kale and lots of other vegetables in order to defeat my iron deficiency and improve my skin. I try to go to the gym at least 3 times a week but now I am ready to push myself to 5 times a week, for 20 minutes at a time just to keep my heart pumping.

To inspire and motivate myself, I went shopping with my friend Natsuno and it was simply so much fun. I think I may have overdid it in Victoria's Secret oops  but nothing beats shopping when you're feeling gloomy. I was lucky enough to find the most beautiful pieces in Zara, H&M and F21. My favourite being, a cobalt blue satchel. When I saw it, a thought immediately sprung to mind- Diamants au chocolat. 

From that moment, I knew it would always have my heart as a signature bag. 

I visited the beach on campus a couple of times to watch the most serene sunsets.  Last night, I even got the opportunity to witness the switch of the two planets, venus and mars from my bedroom window. As the moon gleamed and the darkness of the sky descended, I felt my little irrelevant problems float away. 

Kristina Bazan of Kayture favourited one of my tweets on Twitter the other day and I thought I was going to die. Some people dream of extravagant holidays and expensive gifts, I dream of being recognised by the people I admire most.

So the ball really is in my court and I had no idea all along. I had no idea that achieving the things I want the most lie in my hands. Life isn't about feeling sorry for yourself, life is about seeing something you want, planning the route as you would any other journey, and taking the first turn without a map to guide you along. 

No matter how scared you are, there is nothing you want that is out of your reach.

#SocietyGirl | Kanye West x NYFW

I am seriously completely and utterly in love with Kanye West. I don't care about all of the times he called out celebrities, the crazy songs he sings or his arrogant attitude because let's face it, that is all a persona meant for our personal entertainment. 

I woke up this morning feeling so confident, which is a new thing for me. I'm not afraid to say that I am, at times controlled by society. What is right and what is wrong is often a reflection of the thoughts of the media. And it's hard to say that their words don't entice me. 

I used to go to sleep at night with the last thing on my mind being some insecurities. I am often paranoid when I leave the house and when the constant images of thigh gaps and midriffs on my tumblr dashboard continue to taint my perspective, I can't help but bury myself in self doubt. 

Early last week, Kanye helped me with one of my biggest problems. He lifted the bouldering weight of pressure from my shoulders and literally whispered to me 'you can breathe now'. And when I finally exhaled, I felt like the brick world that I created had come tumbling down right in front of me. I could finally see the sun rise and fall again.

Pretty hurts. 

In the fashion world,  there is a preconceived idea of beauty. You must have a specific bone structure, asymmetrical features and most importantly you must be thin. In Kanye's show at NYFW I didn't see any collar bones, thigh gaps or even frail body frames. Guns ready, people are ready to shoot down his concept of creativity whilst missing the big point. The models looked beyond healthy and some of them even had curves. I am aware it is not only Kanye that is trying to widen society's image of beauty but he put these unconventionally beautiful people on the runway at NYFW. I know it doesn't take an idiot to know how big of a deal that is. 

Some will say that the fashion world are only following trends but sometimes trends stick. I feel stronger because of what society is now choosing to stand up for; feminism, body image and beauty on the inside. 

I believe life should be more about actions and less about results. It's not about how you look but what you're doing to help yourself and society. I no longer reblog photos of girls just because they are thin or 'beautiful'. Eating healthy foods and working out is not about losing weight for me anymore but about what I feel inside. The way I dress has everything to do with how I feel and less to do about if people will like the outfit.  Ah that's what I thought too, my confidence is growing. Eyes closed, I can feel my body elevating into the kingdom of self peace. 

And this time I'm going to take the crown without falling down. 

MOODBOARD Monday #1

It's not as sunny today in Vancouver. The sky is back to being grey and dull but the pleasant view of the mountains on the other side of the beach sends me into the horizons of dreamland. You know, that place you let your subconscious float to before you realise that you must get out of bed to eliminate things off of that dreadful to do list.

Coming from a family that has always appreciated luxury, it is no wonder I find myself dreaming of extravagant parties and trips to the exotic land of Dubai most often. Unfortunately that cannot be redeemed in reality without an immense amount of hard work.

5AM.  Lying in bed begging the sun to stay down for another hour so I could enjoy the bliss of extra sleep, my alarm goes off awakening anyone in a 3km radius. I curse at the damn thing and roll out of bed anyway. The pile of work sitting on the chair in the corner is not going to accomplish itself. I slept in my swimsuit so the laziness of not completing my morning workout wouldn't come knocking on my door. I don't know how I managed to move my legs all of the way downstairs but I find myself on the ground floor staring at the high glass ceiling of the hotel swimming pool. The cold water electrifies my skin and suddenly I am more awake than ever. 

7AM. I meet Kamilė in her room, ready to organise the back to back meetings we must attend from 10-3pm and the evening events we have RSVP'ed to for later that night. We pack up our laptops, chargers, diaries, and pens and head back to my room to start the day with a refreshing kale smoothie and strawberries on the side. Just as I sit on the couch to begin responding to emails, my phone rings. Crossing one Balenciaga heel over the other, I pick up the phone. 

What's that? Oh, that's work calling.  

All of my dreams are in one suitcase and that is all I need to conquer the world. 

VALENTINO, not a Valentine.

Living like Blair Waldorf #3

I'm not a stop along the way, I'm a destination. 

What are you supposed to feel when a clothing site asks to feature you on their website? Imagine yourself spontaneously going into your favourite store on your day off, coffee running through your bloodstream and shopping on your mind. You're not expecting much but when you see the items on the mannequins matched so exquisitely to your personal style, the rails of blues, blacks and all of your favourite colours. The pair of heels that you've imagined in your mind for weeks but each time damning designers for having not created it yet. The shallow music pumping joy and other exhilarating emotions into you, the bold mirrors that make you consider for one second that maybe you look hot today and that's when you reach out for your plastic debit card, not existing until you've selected your absolute necessities- yes that Topshop fur coat is a must. Is your heart racing? That's how I feel when I get what I want. So when China Blue Shoes asked to feature one of my December looks (the royal blue coat, the tomato red lace turtle neck and skirt- chic right?), I felt something I haven't experienced in quite a while- satisfaction and in that brief moment of self praise I thought to myself people are going to remember me. 

I don't know where I've drawn the strength to believe in myself so much. I'm going to put it down to having something that I am completely passionate about. I struggle to separate real life from constantly working on this blog and all of the major changes I have lined up so I'm taking a break today and going to watch the Superbowl with some friends this afternoon and perhaps attend a social by evening. Sports? How me. But an opportunity to socialise and meet more interesting people? That, I won't say no to.