A fire in her soul.
I was going to save writing this post for when I get back to Ireland but I felt it was appropriate to start it now. I would not be surprised if you assumed I've been kidnapped considering how long I've been gone. Truth people told, I was kidnapped, kidnapped by hard work and undying passion.
I've reached the point of desperation and there is no feeling that compares to it. In laymen's term it's called rock bottom, desperate for something to work so bad that I gave up everything for it. That is how I would describe my time here in Vancouver.
Can I honestly say with an open heart that I enjoyed every second of it? No.
Naked. How I felt when I moved here. Everything that made me, me had been taken away. Family, friends, partying, shopping, styling outfits, and of course my wonderful wardrobe of clothes. I crave busy cities, crazy nightlife scenarios and experimental photoshoots. I was forced to recreate myself in a city that repelled every characteristic of my being, as shallow as some of them were. Wallowing trees, silencing waterfalls and reckless sunsets. An assortment of turtle neck sweaters and jeans being worn over and over again. My hair a mess from countless busy nights of carving my path to success. Do I feel like I've won? Yes and no.
There's a lot about the journey of chasing dreams that people casually forget to mention. To achieve the dream, you have to give up almost everything. At least at the beginning. It started with one decline to a house party, then a trip to the city and a trip outside of the nest I lived in to visit the most scenic places in the world. I missed it all. Instead, I spent hours researching, planning and organising what is supposed to be the year that will change my life completely. I spent a lot of my time in the gym because of my obsession with controlling everything that is controllable in my life. I can safely say my decisions have become more calculated and deliberate now more than ever.
I've built this armour around me that no possible distraction could take me away from what I am trying to achieve. Aha a noticeable pattern of being married to your work. Such an enticing, thrilling yet risky relationship to be in. I guess when you start feeling like no one else understands what you're trying to do, that is when you're truly on to something but I won't sit here and lie to you, it's a lonely experience.
So I finally get it. Why most people don't chase their dreams until they are much older, why some prefer to avoid the road of entrepreneurship because of its long, rushed hours and the loneliness that is very much present in abundance. But when you find your calling in this world, I have a strong belief that you need to pick up that phone and greet the bittersweet voice of destiny on the other end, as gracefully and as receptive as you possibly can.
When you stare into the darkness on a cold Winter's night what do you see? The Northern star? The brightness of the moon glaring back at you? Know that the universe is much bigger than you and right now, It is asking you to use your passion to build something great, something bigger than you.
